The angry protector mode is a 'wall of anger' to protect the person from others who feel threatening - keeping them at a safe distance.
My experience is primarily working with clients who have suffered attachment trauma, where there has been abuse within their early years frequently laying down a mistrust and abuse schema. Some of these individuals have learned to manage their deep fear and vulnerability of being abused with this wall of anger. The intention of the mode is to protect the abused child from ever being hurt again by keeping anyone who feels threatening away.
Bill’s Experience
Bill was sexually abused by a neighbour, his cousins and for a prolonged period by his step-father. As a young teen he ended up in a care home and he quickly learned that if he didn’t protect himself he would be vulnerable to further assaults. As an adult, when his life was much safer, his angry protector mode was activated very easily. Bill lost his temper and shouted at anyone who criticised him, dismissed him or ‘got at him’. He frequently got caught up in road rage and fell out with neighbours because they were noisy ‘on purpose’. Bill was quite scared of what he might do to someone when in one of these rages and so he isolated himself. The people Bill knew tended to keep their distance, as they were scared of triggering his anger. Bill wasn’t able to develop relationships with anyone sufficiently to challenge the mistrust and abuse schema.
How to Work with this Mode
As with all coping modes, in schema therapy we are aiming to bypass the angry protector mode and reach the vulnerable child mode to heal the schemas. Three important themes of trust, power and choice mean that it is essential to stand side-by-side with the angry protector so the mode gives you permission to reach the abused child.
Your client may have been hurt in every relationship they have been in. As a result, the angry protector mode believes it’s safer to never trust anyone. The angry protector will be very suspicious of you trying to bypass it and so it is essential to build trust with this mode so they know your intention is good. Otherwise each time you try to reach the abused child, the angry protector will keep you away.
As a professional you are in a powerful position, which is threatening to individuals who have been overpowered in abusive relationships. Level up the power as much as you can to develop safety for the angry protector mode. Respect the importance of the angry protector as attempts to stop or remove this mode will be met with resistance.
As a child, it is likely that your client had very few choices about what happened to them. As a result, feeling out of control is likely to trigger the angry protector mode. Paying close attention to where the control is held in the relationship will be important for the angry protector to feel safe enough to step aside and allow you to see and work with their abuse child.
5 Top Tips
Make friends with the angry protector mode! Get to know it and really understand the importance of its role in keeping your client safe.
Respectfully negotiate with the angry protector mode about when they can step aside – what do they need you to do to feel safe enough to let you past?
Look for the hook! Letting go of a powerful protector mode is very hard when the most terrifying things have happened in positions of powerlessness. Your client may need motivating with empathic confrontation, perhaps highlighting how lonely the protector mode leaves them feeling, if this is relevant.
When you can access the abused child, focus on working with the memories with themes of mistrust, powerlessness and lack of control. This will reduce the sensitivity of the angry protector who will learn that they are an adult now and can protect themselves much more easily.
Look after your own little child mode. The words of the angry protector are rarely personal, but being shouted at is likely to activate your own fight or flight response, so take care of yourself when working with this mode.
Summary
The angry protector mode is a coping response that is frequently underpinned by the mistrust and abuse schema. It’s a mode that decides to get in there first to protect the vulnerable child mode, but as a result may leave the client feeling lonely and unsafe in their relationships. It’s important to sensitively consider trust, power and control in your relationship with clients with an angry protector mode. My top tips include getting alongside the mode, valuing the protection it brings to the client, developing trust and negotiating access to the abused child. And above all else, don’t forget to look after your little one in the process.
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